i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Randomize
