and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Randomize
