quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
Randomize
