hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
Randomize
