If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
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