Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
votings over. no more wacking it to anti christine o'donnell ads
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
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