It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
Randomize