if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
Randomize
