I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Randomize
