Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
Randomize