You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize
