Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
Randomize
