Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
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