I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
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