i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
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