one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
Braces and a neon one piece. She looks 15.
i'm in love
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
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