I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
Randomize
