He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
Randomize
