I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
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