Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
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