Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
Randomize
