i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
Randomize
