I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
Randomize
