My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
Randomize