I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Randomize
