i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
Randomize
