I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Randomize
