Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
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