Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
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