She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
guys are not supposed to queef...right?
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
Randomize