My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
Randomize
