I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
Randomize
