can we get nightvision for the apartment?
Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
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