I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
When are your genitals available?
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
Randomize
