Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Randomize
