Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
Randomize
