with your own penis?
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
Randomize
