2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
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