so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
I just gargled with NyQuil
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
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