Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
Randomize
