I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
Randomize
