you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
Randomize
