I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
Randomize
