just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
This is the prime rib incident all over again
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
Randomize
