Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
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