just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
I DEMAND FORESKIN
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
Randomize
