so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
