Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Randomize
