Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
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