youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
So gin and wine won't be happening again
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
Randomize
