I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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