I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
Randomize
