she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
Randomize
