i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
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