she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
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