From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
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