I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
Randomize