If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
But break dance skills will only take you so far
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
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