i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
chicago's viagra triangle is not unlike the bermuda triangle in thatt things just get lost...... planes, ships, dignity, virginity, etc.
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
Randomize
