Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
Randomize
