He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
Ketchup is God's man juice
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
and you fell through a lawn chair
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
Randomize
