saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
Randomize
