Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
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