the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
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