He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
Randomize
