My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
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