Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
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