the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
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