I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
Randomize
