3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
Randomize
