first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
We all have our weaknesses that drive us crazy. We happen to have one in common, 21 year olds. Your secrets safe. Touch his penis.
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
You made out with two different species that night
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
Randomize
