Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
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