I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
Randomize
