so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
Randomize
