I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
Randomize