My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
Randomize
