our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
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