my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
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